What Turns a Man On? Sexy Butt or a Curvy Body?
I am a 41 year old man who has been paying attention to women and their beautiful bodies for all of my life. Three out of my five best friends are women and I have spent so much time around them - listening, watching, and trying to understand them. The emotions are often complex, the drama is half the fun, and the journey as fun as reaching the distination.
But guys are more simple if you let yourselves think simple for a change.
When men talk, they really say what they are thinking, specially when there are no girls around to judge them and to use it against them.
If you listen, you will hear everything they are thinking and dreaming about a girl. Deep rooted fantasies, romantic dreams, and of course fetishes.
I am happy to say that it is lovely that both men and women are obsessed with the other. It is nice to have something to get excited about. Can you imagine a world without romantic fantasies, or the uncontrollable exciting adventure waiting for our participation?
If it was any other way, life would be boring. Oh so, so boring.
I have seen my guy friends act tough and all macho until the girl they adore walks into the room. Then suddenly he is all mush. And I have seen my gal friends who are so reserved and shy until the guy they fancy walks in and suddenly she lights up like fire.
The most enjoyable conversations are indeed the honest ones. So, let me be honest and tell you what I think.
When people speak frankly and honestly without any inhibition and without disguise, then you will have the most thought provoking and delightful time listening to what makes our species so interesting. Specially when it is talk of romance and sex - even when people are describing their sexual desires. Because after all, most adults are romantic. I don't care what anybody says to dispute that.
Now although some people disagree what romance is, how it starts, or how it develops . To me it starts with a spark.
But you would ask what is a spark?
I think a spark is our inner self telling us that we found someone "sexy" and that we are physically attracted to that person. It is when you want someone but not know why. When you want to be with someone but can't ask yourself for a rational reason why. It is when you are infatuated with that one person and cannot function as you always have before. Normal things become hard to do. Logical things become hard to understand. Rational behavior disappears. Emotion takes over, and all we feel and can think of is how much we want that person and how we will suffer the world's most horrible torture (we think) if we don't get that person.
So how do we find someone 'sexy'?
I can speak for men, first because I am one, and second because I have had male friends from every continent on Earth who were willing to give their opinion of sexy women, and what they find sexy in a woman, and what they don't.
First, forget all you heard about 'animal instincts' looking for a child bearing hips ahhh ... yeah, yeah, yeah. It is so ridiculous to think that men like women's butts and curvy body because of child bearing reasons.
Who came up with that nonsense.
The last thing - last thing- us guys want to think about is our woman giving birth.
Are you so masochistic that you think we enjoy seeing our sweetheart in that much pain, and want to watch something the size of a melon coming out of a hole the size of a lemon?
It is time for women to consider the obvious. No, it's not animal instincts. Simply, it's desire.
It's all about the desire for another person's physcial attraction and sexual stimulation. That is what we find sexy in women.
What do men love more than sex? Sexy women.
Without a sexy woman, a man cannot feel sexy. It's true.
Sexy can be a combination of many things that men would desire but mostly it would include many different aspects of emotional, romantic, and physical stimulation with an end goal in a man's path fueled by passion and desire. At least that is what I think.
It usually begins with physical attraction.
Men love butts. No man can tell a lie about how much they fancy a fit nice butt on a girl. They do. It is an undisputable fact. To deny it, is a person living a lie.
Men love a nice firm butt on a woman. Marketing companies have made billions selling products with names such as "Butt Master, "Butt Firmer", Butt Enhancer", "Buns of Steal", "Firm Glutes", etc. Why?
Because many women know that men love butts and they will go through painful excercises on weird machines in order to get the firm butt that would attract men. The firmer, the better, men think. Yes, it's true but it needs to be round. Flat butts are out of the question. You'll lose the man in a New York minute.
It is the sexiness of a butt that turns a man inside out dreaming about fantasies that drive them over the edge and right into an asylum house.
Why do you think men talk about butts and woman, in the same sentence, all the time?
Do men like big butts or small butts? Men don't think like that. The Butt has to look good on a woman with all the other features.
I would tell you that if a woman is not obese, then she can make herself be very sexy to men.
The truth is harsh. Men don't like obese women as much as they don't like women that are thinner than a match stick. We like to grab a handful of our sweetheart. More than a handfull, umm not happy. Less than a handfull, na - not satisfied.
Obese or thin as match stick - both are unattractive and unsexy.
The truth may hurt, but it is the truth. Nothing more.
Men love a fit woman.
So get into the gym. It's good for your health. It's good for your self esteem. It's good for our relationship and our love life.
And, of course, I would do the same for you too. It's only fair.
Yes it is true what you have heard. Women that exercise on a regular basis and are fit are regarded by most men as being much more enticing, exciting, and sexy as long as a woman does end up looking bulku like Arnold Schwarzewhatever.
Fit means that she looks healthy and that is, ahh so sexy. Girls that do Yoga, are yummy.
A fit woman makes a man think that he can do all kinds of stuff in bed with her. Actually, it is often not true since she is so sexy that a man does not last long to do those things. But still, inside a man's head - he has probably done all those things before she said hello.
Men talk about nothing as much as what they want to do to a woman if they get her one day. It's an obsession. Women barely talk about anything other than how the man got her and what he went through for her.
You see again, we are the yin and yang polar opposite forces being drawn to each other and repelled for an enjoyable interconnection in a world of sexual desire.
You think, I am full of $#!t?
Let me tell you something few women have figured out on their own.
An easy girl is good but not great.
You see, we men, love the chase. If you make it too easy, then we lose interest quickly. I am not referring to sex.
I have listened to countless numbers of my friends over the years who talked about how much they want one night stand relationships and when it happened and the girl left in the morning, the tough macho man was left in ruins hoping that she would come back. Simply because she left.
Now if she had stayed, then may be he would not have been so distraught.
The answer: let him chase you. He will enjoy it. You will enjoy it. He needs it.
Another bit of advice. We like that you dress slutty, but we prefer that you dress sexy. Oh yes. They are completely different.
Slutty is when you dress to show all your physical attributes because you are lazy and unimaginative.
Sexy is when you dress to make men wonder and imagine and fantasize what they can do to your physical attributes.
If you still do not know the difference, find one of your girl friends who probably looks about average but men find her so dreamy, they can barely stop themselves from saying the dumbest things just to make her laugh because they are hoping that she would want to talk to him just a second longer. That is a sexy woman.
For me, a girl smiling and flirting with me is sexy.
Dressing is important, but even more important is dressing according to the mood and the place and time. Lingerie is nice in the bedroom or in a cozy cabin during a winter night with the fireplace on. But in a night club? It is just slutty and unimaginative. Sorry girls. It's the truth.
You're lazy and want to get any man. And any man, you will get. Soon you will be disappointed with him and will want another.
If you want to get a particular type of fish, you got to find out what bate he likes to munch on.
Because you put no emphasis on bate what kind of fish are targeting, you got the first one that did bite. So you ended up getting yourself a shark.
You want a better fish? Come on. Be imaginative.
Try a little harder if you are not already. Dress appropriately. At the beach, be beach sexy. At the night club, be night club sexy. In the bedroom, be bedroom sexy. You know what I mean.
Colors? Yes. Very important.
Lighter colors are sexy. Darker colors are conservative. Think of it as White for wedding and black for funeral, and everything else in-between.
Sometimes a black dress is very sexy - like an evening at the opera. But lighter and more colorful cloths represent joyfulness and adventurous.
Don't forget to wear something that matches your complexion.
The right cloth will make you incredibly sexy and the wrong ones make you look like unattractive and unimaginative.
Do you know a friend or someone who is very good with matching cloths and has an excellent dress sense?
You think it's time to ask for help from this friend?
Another important thing about men - we need to know that we got you.
Now truth be known that it is actually women that get the man, even though we (men) all know subconsciously.
It's true that it is the woman that really gets the man, by making him believe that he can get her.
That look, that smile, that slight hint - that is what did it and made us go for you in the first place.
Don't act innocent. You know what I'm talking about.
You sparked the fire. Every woman knows that when they look at a man the right way, or smile at the right time and in the right way - baammm - they get the guy.
I am not saying that if the man does not find you attractive, you can get him. What I am saying is that if the man finds you attractive and you give him the right sign, he will be as snug as a bug in a rug.
It is true that men and women flirt differently. When a woman gives a man the look or the smile that says, "I am interested in you", can be differently interpreted in the mind of the man she is flirting with.
A woman can be giving off flirting signals like waving down a guy like an air traffic controller but the man does not necessarily register that in his radar. But if the women just simply smiles and does something sexy - that's it. He is hooked.
What do I mean by something sexy?
I think that the obvious one are: being funny and witty; being playful; having a confident attitude towards life; being well dressed; being touchy; are all effective in being sexy and hence being attractive to men.
But there are also some subtle ones.
These include, being unavailable (supposedly), a cockly smile towards a man, (like a smile that says, "...I know what you want." You know what I mean); playing an instruments (yes, that turns us on); and being unobtainable.
Now, comes the ultimate debate. Men and women arguing and discussing which is the master that rules all men? Butts or Breasts?
Women are always saying. "... but I thought men like breasts. Is it true that some men are more excited by breasts and some by butts?".
Again, that is a myth. We like butts and breasts and curvy bodies. There is no comparison. Is like asking do you like a juicy Salmon or do you like a juicy Salmon with a nice tiramisu desert? The answer is: Yes, yes, yes please.
Women love to debate the butt vs breasts argument. Have you ever asked a man?
Whatever his answer was, ignore it. He said what he thought you want to hear so that you do not think he is insensitive. Men love both as long as they are curvy and you make us feel, and think, that we can have access to 'em.
To us, it is about the sexiness of a round object. That's why we love sports. A rounded object being played with using our hands (basketball, volleyball, handball, etc.).
Men love grabbing things. And butts just talk to us in our heads and tell us that - if permission is granted, it will be your enjoyable desert. Go crazy. Grab away if she wants you to.
Ignore the stupid fashion magazines. They need to sell sexy. They have no idea how to make you feel sexy. Just a few pointers above and you will continue to drive us men crazy for eternity.
What does all this mean for a simple cave man?
We love butts and breasts. We love to grab butts and stare at breasts all day. But if you want to torture us with sexiness, the butt is the winnder. AND of course, we love variety.
Now I would love to read a woman's point of view on what women find 'sexy' about men. Any volunteers?
Richard Ferbern is a designer working for a fashion studio in New York while he enjoys writing non-fiction romantic and commentary articles. Writings mostly include relationship based advice for partners and young and new lovers. Richard has lived in Milan, Italy as well as Santiago, Chile for part of his childhood. He is a regular contributing member of WritersViews.com and in the panel of organizers for writing contests. Richard regards writing a fun, joyful hobby rather than a profession. He has been a WritersViews.com member since 2007 and can be reached via our contact page, writer ID 5362.
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by: 5:08pm -
September 28th, 2014 at 5:08pm
|LMAO. Very true. Loved this article. The article itself is very sexy. I agree with most of the things the author suggests. Like to meet him to see if he practices what he says or if he disappoints , ... More
by: 3:37pm - September 28th, 2014 at 3:37pm
|Saucy but delightful and romantic I thought. It is true that I have spent so much money on Butt Master and Buns of steal ... hehe I admit. And it really didn't help much , ... More
by: 1:19pm - September 28th, 2014 at 1:19pm
|Entertaining read. Sexy photos. This is one man's opinion right? I would think this article is more for men than women but so many women have commented and I guess the author has many new friends , ... More
by: 11:56am - September 28th, 2014 at 11:59am
|Great. I was sitting at work tired mentally so wanted to just read about usual politics but this post was great and I sent it to my boyfriend who wants me to try a new lingerie tonight , ... More
by: 8:22am - September 28th, 2014 at 8:22am
|Fun and educational and slick. Enjoyed the format of the article like story-telling. But is he full of himself? Does he really act romantic or like a jerk? it begs to be asked if he is living it as well , ... More
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